this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
