I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she pinky promised me she was 18
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
