you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
