She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
