Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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