Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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