it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
