You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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