Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
