I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
