I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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