You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
