Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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