Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
