She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
