He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
