C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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