I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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