i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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