I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
