I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
