i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
