How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
