Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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