I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
