i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
