Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
