The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
