My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
