that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
