How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
