Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
