nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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