either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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