Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
