Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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