I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
