I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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