Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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