rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Randomize
