How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
