i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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