Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
