We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
