youre lurking in front of me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
