hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
