remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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