Small penises have feelings too.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
