So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
