I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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