If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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