1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
